


Song To Say Goodbye

by FirithAriel



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, Sex, Smut, Songfic, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 23:40:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13868466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FirithAriel/pseuds/FirithAriel
Summary: Bucky has made a decision, and he has to say goodbye to Steve.((the supersoldier serum doesn't exist))





	Song To Say Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Recommended song: [Song To Say Goodbye - Placebo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJUz1yit8Us)  
>  **Bolded text are song lyrics.**

**You are one of God's mistakes.**  
**You crying, tragic waste of skin.**

 

“God’s mistake... God doesn’t even exist!” Bucky’s reflection gave the twisted smile back to himself.

This is it, this is the day. There’s no backing out now.

Bucky looked at his reflection and touched his own pale face, digging his fingers on his cheekbones, dragging them down his face, deforming it.  
Tormented little boy...

 _You’re so strong! You’re so gorgeous! So amazing! So perfect!_ ... hahaha! Right...

_But you are beautiful, Bucky._

Steve’s voice traveled around his brain, echoing in his ears and making him choke on his sobs. Steve... what would he say when they found him? What would he do? Would he realize the previous night was his way to say goodbye to him? His way to say how sorry he was for not being strong enough for him? For abandoning him?  
Bucky dug his nails in the soft flesh of his face, bringing another stream of tears to run down his cheeks.

_Steve loves you..._

“Love doesn’t exist... there’s nothing to love here...” The vacant eyes in the mirror stared at him. There was nothing to love there, yet Steve loved him.

_He loves you... and you love him back..._

“I’ll only hurt him...”

_You’ll kill him..._

Bucky gripped the sides of the sink, his tears tingling the fresh wounds on his cheeks.

_You’ll kill him..._

“Then we’ll both be dead...”

_After last night... after everything you said..._

“I’m fucked up... I’m a liar and a coward...”

_You’re shit... you’re a useless piece of shit..._

“I don’t deserve him.”

_But he still loves you and you still love him._

Bucky glanced at the mirror again, watching his own white thin face, swollen red eyes. Rage overwhelmed him and he gripped the sink tighter, pressing his lips together to suppress the yell burning in his throat. He opened the cabinet harshly and took out a few things.  
He started sobbing and shaking again, staring at the supplies on his hand.

_Steve..._

Bucky fell to the cold tile floor, leaning against the locked door.

_Steve..._

 

 **Your needle and your damage done,**  
**Remains a sordid twist of fate.**

_*~ The previous night ~*_

_Bucky and Steve jogged into the room hand in hand, one happier than the other, but both smiling._

_“Don’t you enjoy running away from everyone else?” Steve asked as he locked the door. Bucky sighed._

_“Yeah, is kinda funny! It adds a special something I guess!” Bucky said with a smile,wrapping his arms around Steve’s waist._

_“It does...” Steve kissed Bucky’s pouty lips. “Now, why are we here again?” He asked playing innocent. Bucky chuckled._

_“Do I have to explain it?”_

_“Uuumm... why don’t you show me instead?” Steve grinned and pulled the other man to the bed, landing on top of him._

_“Oh, never let it be said that Steve Rogers is the passive one!” Bucky chimed with a giggle as he attached lips to his neck._

_“I can be the passive one... but just for you.” Steve stared into Bucky’s eyes before kissing him hard and rolling them over._

_The clothes were ripped off their bodies in a heated frenzy. The regular hidden love made them get used to be in a hurry every time they met. Bucky was the first to realize it._

_“Hey! We’re not hiding now.” He said as he kissed Steve’s neck, running his hands over his chest lovingly. “And no one will bother us tonight...”_

_Bucky kissed a path down Steve’s chest, nibbling and licking... savoring every path of skin he came in contact with. Running his hands on Steve’s sides, Bucky reached his half-off jeans, pulling them out completely._

_Bucky kissed his way back up and stared down at Steve._

_“What?” Steve asked with a nervous giggle._

_Bucky said nothing and just stared at him for the longest time, like he was trying to memorize every pore of Steve’s skin. He leaned down and kissed him again before Steve could ask what was wrong._

_“Don’t ever forget about me...” Bucky whispered into the kiss. Steve chuckled._

_“I won’t, baby, I promise.”_

_They resumed their heavy kissing as Bucky settled himself between Steve’s legs and nudged at his entrance. Steve gasped loudly, making the other man smile. Bucky reached for the nightstand getting the familiar bottle and coating himself and Steve. Plum and blackberry scent flooding the room._

_“You and your plums obsession.” Steve said smiling._

_“Yeah, but you’re the slut now.” Bucky hit back, kissing him even harder than before._

_Steve moaned into his mouth as he felt Bucky entering him slowly. He bucked his hips up, increasing the friction and making their pace speed up a little._

_Bucky slid in and out steadily, still kissing Steve passionately. He took a hold of his hips and thrust into him, making sure to hit that right spot. And by the way Steve wiggled and moaned, he was doing a good job._

_As his peak was slowly creeping up to him, Bucky broke the kiss and stared at Steve again, who did nothing but stare back, breathing with his mouth slightly open._

_For a moment their eyes connected. For a moment there was no cloth over Bucky’s eyes and Steve could see straight inside him. For that brief second Steve caught a glimpse of all the things Bucky always hid from him. And he didn’t even realized._

_A couple more thrusts and Steve threw his head back, panting and convulsing beneath his lover._

_Another couple of thrust and Bucky collapsed on top of Steve, breathing heavily. Warm tears fell silently from his eyes onto the other boy’s chest. Steve felt it and lifted Bucky’s face up._

_“Buck, why are you crying?” Steve asked with a hint of amusement on his voice. His hand wiped away the tears from Bucky’s face. The other man said nothing, just smiled and kissed him again, snuggling against Steve’s chest. “I love you.” Bucky felt like choking at the sound of those words, but he managed to smile anyway._

_“I love you too.”_

 

 **I'm well aware of how it aches,**  
**And you still won't let me in**

 

Steve woke up with a start and he rubbed his eyes trying to chase away the nightmare that woke him up. Funny, he never managed to remember his dreams, he didn’t even remember having a nightmare since he was a little kid.  
He let out a sigh and turned to the other side of the bed, convinced he’d find his boyfriend there, still sleeping peacefully, with his soft hair falling over his face, breathing calmly. And he’d snuggle into his arms and the nightmare would go away.  
But Bucky wasn’t there.

Steve’s face fell as he roamed the room with his eyes. He was alone.  
He got up from the bed.

“Bucky?”

He didn’t know why, but he had a bad feeling about it.

“Bucky?”

He walked to the next room, finding nothing and no one.

“Bucky!?!”

As Steve walked outside his own room, he caught the shiny little line coming from under the bathroom’s door. Part of him was relieved... the other part pushed him against the door, where he knocked almost frantically.

“Bucky, you in there?” Silence.

Steve tried to open the locked door.

“Why is the door locked?!?! C’mon, open up!” Silence. “Barnes, you’re fucking scaring me! Get out of there now!!”

No part of him was relieved now, as he suddenly realized what Bucky was doing in there, why was the door locked, why he cried last night. Steve felt the tears spring to his eyes and roll down his face as he leaned against the door.

“Please don’t do it!” He sobbed against the door, hitting it with his fist. “Please Bucky, don’t....” Steve fell to his knees, still banging on the door with the little amount of force his convulsed cries let him. “I love you... so fucking much.”

_I love you too, Steve._

“You can’t leave me, please!”

_I’m so sorry._

“Please, Bucky... I need you...”

_I’m so fucking sorry!_

Steve suddenly stopped crying, stopped banging the door, stopped breathing.  
He froze there watching the shadow under the door he knew it was Bucky lying on the floor.  
He just stared at it as a thick line of blood flowed on the white linoleum.

 

 **Now I'm trying to wake you up,**  
**To pull you from the liquid sky.**  
**Cause if I don't we'll both end up**  
**With just your song to say goodbye.**

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my older stories, written for another fandom. But I've had the song stuck in my brain for days now, so I had to bring it back. Steve and Bucky were sort of perfect for it too, so...


End file.
